Undue Shushes
by Chris17ish
Summary: Naruto and Ino have just finished their C-ranked mission as all is well on trip back home, however as the strings of fate unwinds it will forever change the lives of these two blondes. Features: NaruIno, A whole lot of crack, With a dash of Ooc, And a... Baby?
1. Chapter 1

Undue shushes

 ** _/Author's Note\_**

 ** _So this is my second attempt at a Naruto fanfic. The story starts out kinda dark, but slowly the crack will appear..._**

 ** _...So yeah I hope you enjoy this story as much as I did typing this story up!_**

 ** _Disclaimer: obviously I don't own Naruto._**

Undue Shushes

The rain picked up as each drop,et got heavier by the second you could hear the heavy pounding of the rain as it hit the ground. Streaks of lighting seem to light up the night with the crack of thunder in the distance.

"Man it sure is cold!" Complained our favorite knucklehead ninja as he jumped from tree to tree.

"You idiot! If we had left later, like I had said then we wouldn't have to travel in the rain!" Shouted an annoyed Ino who was debating whether to punch him or not.

Naruto frowned sensing her killing intent decided to kick up the speed.

" **HEY! WAIT UP YOU IDIOT!** " Shouted an enraged Ino as she too picked up her speed trying catch up to Naruto.

It was idiotic to travel in this type of weather it would be rare to spot a single civilian along the main road in fear of getting ammonia or a cold, but for a shinobi it was different. Shinobi must complete their mission no matter the weather, and were always supposed to report their success of the mission to their respective leaders after all of the objectives were completed.

As a wise man once said "Shinobi we endure"

...

Naruto was freezing his ass off over here as he jumped from tree to tree. He was currently wearing a black shirt with the usual Uzumaki orange swirl. And of course he was wearing his orange pants.

It wouldn't have been that cold if he had his Jacket right now he quickly glance at Ino who was indeed wearing his jacket.

He gave Ino a death-stare who didn't notice it or didn't seem to care because she knew she had won.

Ino had to admit the jacket in fact did do its job. It kept her warm. Even though the color-scheme was hideous but in the end it was so totally worth the headache.

/Flash-Back\

"Finally you've slowed down" Ino said between huffs as the rain continue to pour.

"Y'know We would've been In the Village already if you didn't constantly have to slow down and lag behind"

Naruto said as he avoided the barrages of punches that came flying his way.

" SHUT UP YOU IDIOT! ... Besides I would if wasn't so cold"

Ino said as he eyed Naruto's jacket. The rain continued to drench the two as thunder could be heard In The distance.

Naruto and Ino were now resting on a tree branch since Ino demanded it.

"Hey Narutooo can I borrow your Jacket?" Ino whined as she lean closer and rested her head on his shoulder.

'Heh this should do the trick. No guy can ever refuse a lady in need' Ino thought with smirk.

"No thanks Ino. I like my jacket" Naruto said as he shrugged her off.

Her eyes widen for a split second. Weren't all guys were supposed to be a gentlemen and give a lady their jacket? But then again she had to remember this was Naruto again... God! He is such an idiot!

Ino sighed and decided to use her trump card

Naruto looked at Ino with a raised eyebrow; Ino was in his personal bubble. he noticed that her cerulean eyes seem to have expanded, and dare he say it look... Cute

"Naruto will you please let me use your jacket?" Ino said smirking at his dazed look.

"Uhhhh… I already told you no" Naruto said as he look at her shocked face.

'How? ...That idiot is stubborn as always' Ino thought as she frowned at Naruto.

'...'

'I have to do it's the only way... Besides he traveled with, Lord Jirayia for 2 years. That has to be it!... But then again this is Naruto we're talking about, and frankly I feel rather disgusted by resorting to this method, but sacrifices have to be made besides I am a Kunoichi! I have to use all my assets!' Ino ranted inside her mind.

"Naruto, I'm all soaked and wet" Ino said in her feeble attempt to be seductive as she moved closer to Naruto and started to press her chest into his shoulders.

"I'm soaked too y'know" Naruto said with a roll of his eyes confused on what she was trying to say, and a-bit inpatient now that they have stopped.

"No Naruto I... I want you... to dry me off" Ino said with a blush as she put her ring finger on her lower lip and avoided his gaze:

'That sounds so bad!' Ino thought; she couldn't believe that she was blushing

"Huh?" Was Naruto's elegant reply

The screech of a record player could be heard as Ino stared slack-jawed at her fellow blonde in disbelief. How dense can someone be?

Ino had one thing on her mind and that was to punch Naruto in the face, and rip that UGLY JACKET OFF HIM!

" Forget about it" Ino muttered to herself and pouted as the duo continue on their way back home.

...Finally she had an idea it probably wouldn't have work because it was the most obvious one.

"Hey Naruto will you let me borrow your jacket if I buy you ramen?" Ino asked

"DEAL!" Naruto yelled and took off his jacket in a flash and handed it to Ino.

Who In turn face faulted feeling A headache coming. Luckily Naruto caught her and carried her off into the brush of the branches out to the distance.

 **/Flashback end\**

 _Somewhere in the woods_

A lady running with a small child ran as fast as she could, but to no avail her running meant nothing as four blacks blurs grabbed the woman, and threw her to the ground roughly, the lady made sure to cradle the baby to softened the child's landing.

The Lady got a good look at the men they all look to be ninjas. She focused her eyes on their headbands and on each headband the ninja all had a scratch on their village symbol signifying they were Missing-Nin.

The tallest out of the men who looked like he was the leader of the small group of rouge ninjas. Walked up completely ignoring the woman, and went ahead and sat down by a near boulder, and the man pulled out a potato...? He then started to peal the potato with a creepy, glistening smile that shun brighter than the moon and gave the poor woman shivers down her spine.

"Well-well... what do ya we have here, boys?" Slurred the shortest Man out of the group of men.

"Seems to me we got us a pretty little lady to play with us, boys." Another man this time the man was a little chubby. The blonde haired lady notice that the man had a vest kinda like the leader with the potatoes, but this guy's vest was green signifying he was a leaf shinobi?

"Hold her down!" the last man ordered, he was wearing glasses. The strangest thing was those glasses had no frames on them...

"Yes, then after that we'll 'play'" said the short guy with a sick laugh. The three man close in on her as she backed up a few steps.

"HELP! PLEASE ANYBODY?" The lady yelled to top of her lungs pleading for anybody save her and her child.

"Scream all you want. That just makes me want you even more." The leaf ninja said as he licked his lips hungrily in desire.

Then once again the rain was heavy as if it was pounding the earth with each drop. It was as if the heavens were crying as this unfortunate event continued to unfold.

The blonde haired lady was gonna reply as she opened her mouth, but the leaf Ninja quickly Inserted his tongue down her throat it seem like she was choking as the man's tongue explored her mouth.

The lady never wanted this at all!

All she ever wanted was for her, and her daughter to leave The Five Great Nations as fast as they could. War was just around the corner she didn't want her child to grow up around the horrors of war.

The Man looked like he needed to catch his breath before he could part is tongue the lady took this moment to bite as hard as she could.

The rouge ninja scream out in pain as blood started to appear around the man's mouth. He look at her in rage before the lady could do anything the man slapped her.

"M-maybe that will teach you some manners. You bitch!" the man said as he cupped her cheek and look her in the eyes with a lustful smile. The lady felt humiliated and ashamed of herself for thinking about traveling this late at night.

No matter how she look at it she knew she was hopeless, but she needed to stay calm and save her daughter no matter what.

She self-consciously gripped her daughter tighter as tears went down her face.

"Hey Lon'qu get this bitch to do what we say already!" The Shortest of the man complained

"..." The said leader who went by the name "Lon'qu" stopped pealing his potatoes and frowned. He looked at the lady as if he was reading her mind, The tall man stood up, he was wearing some type of dark blue vest dark pants, and she notice he had A sword. It was obviously to the lady that this man was a high ranking shinobi before he went rouge.

Lon'qu walked over to the lady who was on the cold muddy floor clutching her child for dear life in fear of him.

Lon'qu once again studied the woman and her child and then took a deep breath. Before the lady could do anything Lon'qu proceeded to kick her in her rib in which the lady double over in pain then Lon'qu unsheathed his blade and like a snake snatched up the child, He lined the blade right by the child's neck!

"Do what they say or I kill the child" Lon'qu said, his voice was hoarse like he hadn't used it in quite a while.

"Please!" The lady begged has she bowed her head to the ground

"..." Silence was the man's reply, his eyes were void of any emotion.

"Heheheh... What I tell ya fellas I said we were gonna have us a fun night or what? Heheheh" the chubby leaf ninja chuckled with glee as he started undressing the lady with his... Eyes!

"Yes indeed" the other guy with glasses said with a smirk

"Take off my pants!" The short man ordered

"W-what?" The lady questioned

"You heard, Lon'qu if you don't do as we say then the child gets it."

"..." The lady look at her child who was crying for her mother she couldn't hold it in she started to sob uncontrollably.

She was trembling! She was scared! uncontrolled

All those emotions were running through her as the men started to gang up on her, as her child's waling could be heard even through the cracks of thunder.

"Take off my pants!" The short man ordered again more fiercely as he slapped the woman a few times and grabbed her face and forced her to looked and his ugly sinister eyes.

Afraid of what was about to come next She slowly did it by closing her eyes wishing it was all just a nightmare and just figment of her imagination like that one book she forgot the name, but it was called something like 50 shades of Green... Or was it black...?

"Yes, that's it! Now my underwear!... Then after that I want you put IT in your mouth!" The short man ordered.

She was shaking the tears just kept flowing like a never ending river. She look at her daughter once more and nodded to herself.

She had to do this for her!

"Wait your gonna make her put your undergarment in her mouth?" Said the guy with glasses while scratching his chin in confusion.

"Oh yeah! I'm nasty like that!" The short guy said with an evil gleam in his eye.

"Short people..." The man muttered under his breath.

...

 **With Naruto and Ino**

Naruto was jumping from tree to tree as the rain continues to pour down.

As he was jumping he could've sworn he heard something. As he halted and listened again.

"...Help anybody please..." Naruto heard something! It was the faintest of whispers as the wind blew with streaks of lighting flying in the sky.

He looked at Ino who was ahead a couple yards he knew he couldn't waste anymore time someone needed his help!

He dashed off immediately listening for the sound of the person's pleads to guide him.

"Okay Naruto... Once we get to the gates you can have your jacket back... I don't want to be seen in orange" Ino said as she thought of the rumors of her and Naruto.

'Ha Naruto and Me that's so disgusting... Though he is now the village's Hero... But he was still Naruto!' Ino thought inside her head. She shook her head and besides there was still Sasuke.

…

"Hey Naruto?... Thanks" Ino said with the smile as she waited for his reply.

"..." But the only thing she heard was the sound of the wind and heavy droplets hitting the ground

She frowned, A tick mark appeared on her head. Was that idiot ignoring her?

She quickly smirked as an idea came to her head.

"Hey Naruto just for letting me use your jacket I'll buy you two bowls of ramen" Ino said smirking already imaging his childish glee, but to her surprise she received no response.

She stopped on a tree branch and notice Naruto was nowhere to be found. She panic did he leave her? Or was it the Akatsuki?

If it was in fact the Akatsuki what could she do? She wasn't strong like Naruto. She needed Choji and Shikamaru without them she was useless!

She took a few deep breathes if Naruto was indeed in trouble then she would have to do something to make sure he survived he was in fact still her comrade!

...

Naruto arrived at a clearing where he could hear the cry of a baby and the pleads of a woman. He was enraged when he saw a group of men huddle around a woman and man holding a sword towards a baby's neck.

He wanted to scream and use rasengan, but It wasn't worth it. The men were too close to the lady not to mention the jounin with the sword had his sword firmly on the child's neck as the child cried for her mother.

He couldn't take it anymore he had to act now.

"Shadow clone jutsu" Naruto whispered and made About 10 clones who scatter around the clearing waiting for the real Naruto's signal.

...

"I'm not gonna tell you again take off my underwear and put IT in your mouth!" The short man demanded as he slapped the woman.

She tremble at his stare she went ahead and close her eyes slowly pulling down the garment down when suddenly she felt his body go limp.

She open her eyes and notice that the three men were all dead with kunais and shurikans in their backs.

She quickly focus the glance on the one man who had her... Log?

"Damn it! I was so close to getting all four of them" said a voice which happen to belong to a young man in a black t-shirt and orange pants.

Lon'qu was on one knee right now his whole right Side where the kunais made impact was numb. He notice he couldn't move his sword arm.

"Who are you? You Brat!" Lon'qu shouted in frustration as he pulled Kunais out of his right arm regardless of the pain, and blood leaking out,

His voice was steel cold. It happened to caught Naruto off guard, he frown and then smiled.

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki don't you ever forget it!" Shouted Naruto with a grin. As Naruto made the ram seal And four clones appeared and charged the man

"...humph" was Lon'qu's reply as he dodge each of Naruto's clones attacks.

"Look here buddy just leave the lady alone and we'll have no problems here" Naruto said as he glanced at Lon'qu's face which looked thoughtful for a moment, but then Naruto felt uneasy when Lon'qu smiled.

"So you would like to protect this lady, huh?" Lon'qu asked with a maniacal sickening smile.

Naruto slowly nodded as he felt unsettled by the events to come.

"Try to save her after this!" Lon'qu shouted as he plunged his blade into her abdomen, the lady gasped for air as she started to lose a lot of blood.

Naruto gasped and glared at the man. He had to end this quickly!

Naruto quickly formed a rasengan. As several clones rushed towards the men and shifted him away from the lady.

"Take this! RASENGAN!" Naruto shouted with so much rage that he instantly killed the ninja.

He took a few deep breaths and then rushed to the lady.

...

The lady felt nothing but pain it hurt so much; she looked up at her savior who had a look of distress on his face.

She look past him and saw his twin or clone? Carrying her child she smiled she was safe. Her baby girl was safe and sound.

"Hey! There you are Naruto! How dare you leave me behind!" Shouted an enraged Ino but paused at what she saw four dead bodies. Naruto, and a blonde haired lady who was bleeding out, and one of Naruto's clone carrying a baby?

"Ino can you help her?" Naruto asked frantic as he grab her by the shoulders and looked at her.

"Um I... Ok" Ino stammered.

Besides Sakura did this all the time it would be a piece of cake. 'Anything Sakura could do I can could do it better.' Ino thought with a confident grin.

Ino quickly observed the wound. She quick;y stopped the gushing blood and then used some medical ninjutsu on the wound, but something was wrong!

The lady screamed in utter agony as more blood appeared on the wound!

Ino was for the most part frighten as her hands were covered in the lady's blood it felt like everything she did made the wound worse. I

"Ino stop it!" Naruto shouted as he grab her shoulders.

She stopped using the medical ninjutsu, Ino concluded that the blade the Lady was impaled by was dowsed with poison.

Tears were in her eyes now this lady was gonna die and the child... Oh god! She was going to become an orphan! All because she wasn't able to heal this child's mother!

The lady chuckled with a bitter sweet smile.

"So I guess I won't be living that long won't I?"

The lady question Naruto and Ino who both did not respond.

"May I have one final request?" The lady asked

"Anything" Naruto replied instantly.

" …Will both of you please take care of my baby girl…?" The lady asked with a hopeful look in her eye.

"Ok! I will protect her with my life, because that's my nindo! My ninja way!" Naruto declared with a thumbs up and muster up the biggest grin he could.

Ino was A bit hesitant but she slowly nodded her head.

The lady smiled.

"That's great...today was her birthday she just turned 2" the blonde croaked out with a small chuckle.

" What's her name?" Ino asked as she finally got to hold the child she notice that the child was cold so she quickly took off Naruto's jacket and wrapped it around the child.

Sadly to their shock, the lady did not respond instead she laid on the cold and muddy floor lifeless.

The little girl started to wail and cry. Ino quickly tried to hush the baby by making

Cooing sounds and baby talk.

That seem to work as the child seem to calm down. Ino took a glance at Naruto who was just standing their like he was dazed or something.

"Naruto! You have to do something" Ino hollered at Naruto as she took a glance at the lifeless corpse of the blonde haired lady.

"Right... I'll bury her body…" Naruto said with a grimace.

/Scene Break\

After burying the body and putting the nuke nins in scrolls, Naruto and the child who Ino was carrying at the moment. Were jumping from tree to tree, the rain was still pouring down hard it seem like the rain would never let up.

Ino decided to rest up, at the moment they were all resting on a tree branch.

"So what are we gonna do?" Ino asked

"Huh?" Was Naruto's elegant response.

Ino simply roll her eyes in annoyance, and shook her head.

Ino sighed and said...

"I'm talking about the baby, you idiot!... Anyway I'm pretty sure, Lady Tsuande will know a good orphanage for her"

"No way! I promised that lady that I would protect this baby no matter what." Naruto said as he looked at child with small smile who was now asleep on Ino's lap.

"I don't see the big deal about being in the orphanage. Just look at you, you came out fine, Naruto you are the hero of the Leaf! The one who defeated Pain... The only negative side is that you're still an immature idiot!" Ino said with a chuckle at the end.

Naruto had flashbacks of when he was younger in the orphanage. He remembered the harsh treatment, the name calling, the beatings, and going to bed hungry, but worst of all not knowing a family's love. He wasn't gonna let the same things happened again.

"Look Ino just trust me okay?... Living in an orphanage isn't a great place to grow up in...okay" Naruto said he look at the child once again with a grim smile.

"Okay I guess so... Well what are we gonna do? Find someone who can take care of her?" Ino asked, she notice that Naruto was staring real intently at the little blonde haired baby... To be honest Ino thought she looked like an Angel sleeping on her lap wrapped up in Naruto's jacket.

"Well, that's simple I'll adopt her!" Naruto said and gave Ino a grin.

Ino frowned this little angel under the care of Naruto? Ha! That was more dangerous then letting Orochimaru manage a daycare!

"Are you serious? You can barely take care of your own self much less a child." Ino stated as she looked at Naruto who frowned

"But I-" Naruto stammered as Ino interrupted him.

"Did you even think of who would take care of the child when you were out on missions huh? Oh and what about food, furniture, clothing? Plus! The space in your new apartment! It's too small for child to grow up in..." Ino ranted as she saw the anger in Naruto's eyes.

She sighed this went all against her better judgement but...

"... That's why I'm going to adopt her and become this child's mother!" Ino declared and giggle a bit when she saw Naruto's face it was priceless.

"Ino..." Naruto said to be honest he was surprise to see this side of her... It was different.

"I figured you probably need my help, and besides without me this sweet baby girl would be running around wearing orange and eating nothing but ramen."

"What's so wrong about that?" Naruto asked as he scratched the back of his head

"Don't worry about it... So have you came up with any names?" Ino asked genuine curious on what kind of names Naruto came up with for the baby.

"Um how bout uh... Naruko?" Naruto said as scratched the back of his head.

"No" Ino replied flatly.

"But-" Naruto started but Ino cut him off.

"I was thinking like... I don't know Haruka?" Ino said a bit unsure. She look at Naruto who looked like he was going to disagree, but one glance at Ino told him he should reconsider.

"Sounds perfect!" Naruto shouted a little bit too enthusiastic.

One thing Naruto was starting to learn was to listen and agree on everything Ino said it seem like doing that was better than hearing her complain.

The sound of a cracking whip could be heard in the distance, which signified Naruto Uzumaki was now officially whipped now.

...

"Little Haruka huh that's such a great name isn't it? She's such a cutie pie!" Ino cooed as she watched little Haruka sleep.

Naruto smiled at the scene he did have to admit it was nice seeing this sweet side of Ino. it's been about five minutes and Ino hadn't complain one bit. Ino could be annoying in Naruto's eye she was always so loud, obnoxious also he never understood her love for Sasuke just like he never understood Sakura's love either.

Naruto look around it seem like the rain was still pouring down again he looked at Haruka and frowned. Yes, his jacket was warm, but if they didn't get out of this storm fast then little Haruka would most likely get sick. It was obvious they couldn't reach the village in under thirty minutes, but Naruto did remember the Capitol of Fire country was conveniently just a little west from their exact location.

Naruto wasted no time he gently picked up Ino who look like she was ready to pounce and kick Naruto's ass.

"What are you doing? Put me and Haruka down now!"

"No can do we have to find shelter now if Haruka stays out in the rain for to long she might get really sick."

Ino looked in thought, but then nodded her head and tighten her grip on Haruka.

Naruto carried Ino bridal-style as he jumped from tree to tree. Ino made sure to tighten her grip around Haruka as Naruto picked up speed.

...

It wasn't long but they had finally made it to the Capitol and they quickly found an inn and made sure to book a room. To ino's horror there was only one bed! Haruka and her would be sleeping together kinda like a family.

Ino smiled as she remembered when she was little and had a nightmare she would always run to her parents bedroom and sleep with her mother.

'Those were good times' Ino thought with a fond smile

Ino went ahead to the bathroom to take a shower while Naruto dried all of his clothes and tucked in Haruka who was sleeping fondly. Naruto smile she looked so cute and the bed looked comfortable so he went ahead pull the covers up and close his eyes before he knew it he too drifted away to sleep.

Ino dried herself off and sighed all of her clothes were too wet to wear so she ended up putting on Naruto's black shirt with the orange swirl on it. Ino notice that the shirt was indeed too big for her it went down to her thighs and covered her bottom.

She sighed it would have to due for now.

Ino opened the door to the room and notice that Naruto and Haruka were already asleep. She notice that Naruto was shirtless and sleeping on the left of the bed and had wrapped his arms around Haruka who was sleeping towards the middle of the bed so Ino gently got on the bed trying to make sure she didn't wake up the two. She slowly slid into the covers and moved closer to Haruka and wrapped her arms around Haruka. Both her and Naruto's arms were entwined around Haruka's small frame.

Ino smile she would see this girl has her own daughter. Ino vowed that she will protect "her" daughter from the horrors of ramen and orange articles of clothing. Ino giggled before shortly falling asleep.

...

Naruto slowly open his eyes and looked around the room. Ino and Haruka were asleep and it was probably early in the morning or something like that.

"Wait, Ino slept in the same bed as me?" Naruto muttered to himself and shrugged

"Whatever… I better wake, Ino up" Naruto said as he smiled at his fellow blonde who snuggled deeper into Haruka.

Naruto walked over to Ino's side and gently tapped her on the shoulder.

" Hey... Ino get up" Naruto said with a smile as Ino groaned at Naruto.

"Give me like seven more minutes"

"C'mon we gotta head back to the village and report to, Granny"

"Ugh... You do know you forgot a few things?"

"Huh?"

"Wow really?... Haruka doesn't have any papers" Ino said as she finally got out of bed.

"Papers?"

"Yes,! A birth certificate for one, and also she's going to need a legal document that says she is a citizen of the Fire country and the Hidden Leaf Village."

"Oh yeah..." Naruto said sheepishly

To be honest he just wanted to go home and rub it in to all of the Konoha 11 that he, Naruto Uzumaki was the first to become a father in the group

"Yeah, and not to mention we need clothes, diapers, food, a crib...maybe even a few toys." Ino said as she saunter over to the desk that was in the room and grab the two articles of clothing that was on the desk.

"H-hey those are my spare clothes!" Naruto shouted at Ino

"My clothes are too wet right now so for now I'll wear your clothes"

"But they are mine! and besides you are already wearing my shirt!"

"Well yeah but-" Ino started but Naruto cut her off

"I thought you were all big on fashion y'know?"

"..." Ino said nothing as she march into the restroom.

About four minutes later Ino came out of the bathroom and stomp her way towards Naruto. And threw the shirt she used to sleep in at Naruto. Ino was dressed in Naruto's black shirt and orange pants that fit loose on her. Then she struck a pose while Naruto put his shirt on and his damp jacket.

"Naruto, tell me I'm beautiful in your clothes!" Ino ordered Naruto.

Naruto look at her oddly and scratched his cheek and said...

"Uh your beautiful in my clothes?" it was more of a question then a statement.

"See even in hideous looking clothes my beauty is radiant like the moon in the dark sky" Ino said dramatically. As Naruto looked around confused on her odd behavior

"Uhhhh… riiiight" Naruto said slowly.

'Sheesh that girl can be pretty weird at times.' Naruto said inside his mind.

"All right you go wake, Haruka up. I want to go to a nice restaurant for breakfast! That way I can spoil, little Haruka" Ino said with smile as she eyed Haruka with a small smile. I

Naruto saw Ino eyeing Haruka with a small smile, he couldn't help but grin too.

"Sure thing!" Naruto shouted with glee as he pick Haruka up.

...

The blondes were now enjoying a nice breakfast at a small family owned restaurant in the heart of the Capitol.

"So where we gonna get Haruka's birth certificate and papers at?" Naruto said while slurping up his ramen.

Ino grimace and a tick mark appeared on her head. Ino bonked Naruto on the head.

"Hey! What was that for?" Naruto shouted

"Learn how to eat correctly" Ino said while she fed Haruka some smashed bananas.

"Why do you care about how I eat?" Naruto asked Ino feeling annoyed.

"I will not have **MY** daughter eating like a savage!" Ino said as she continue to feed Haruka.

"You do know she is **MY** daughter too Ya'know?" Naruto said with a look of indifference.

"...Yes I-I know that!" Ino stammered

Ino never realized that Naruto was going to be in the picture. Whenever Ino thought of her and Haruka's future she never thought of Naruto. Ino only thought about herself and Haruka.

"I said it once I'll say it again. I'll protect Haruka with my life! Because there are somethings worth protecting!" Naruto declared as he look at Ino with a fire in his eyes then he shifted his gazed at Haruka with a fond smile.

Ino was shocked at first, but she had remember this was Naruto Uzumaki. Ino couldn't help but giggle of course Naruto would say something like this.

"All right, To answer your question were going have to go to the palace or something?" Ino said a bit unsure.

"Palace? Hmm... Ah! That's it we'll talk to the Daimyo!" Naruto shouted

"Uhh there is one small problem with your idea." Ino said

"Huh?"

"Why would the DaImyo want to talk to us?"

"Relax. I'm the village's hero after all" Naruto said

'Plus I'm the son of the Fourth Hokage too' Naruto thought inside his head with a small smile

"I'm starting to think all that fame is starting to get in your head" Ino mutter to herself as she wipe Haruka's face with a napkin.

"All right let's go!" Naruto exclaimed as he left the money on the table and grabbed Haruka and took off.

Ino simply sighed as she slowly push in her chair and Naruto's chair too. She wasn't even dressed to meet the Damiyo! Ino then proceeded to walk out of the restaurant and chased after Naruto.

...

The journey to the Daimyo's palace was uneventful. To Ino's surprise Naruto was able to get a summons with the Daimyo himself. Now we find the blondes and the Daimyo seated at an elegant fine table.

"So what is it that the Great Naruto Uzumaki wants with thyself...Hmm?" The Daimyo said as he fanned himself with a... fan.

"Uh yeah… Your Lordship I would like to request that my daughter gets her birth certificate documented...? Oh and papers that say she is a legal citizen of The Fire country, and stuff." Naruto said while Ino was debating whether to bonked Naruto in the head for making them look like Idiots.

"Hmmmmm... Interesting. So the young Uzumaki as already sired a child? Hmm... How scandalous! ...May I asked why your "daughter" never receive any sort of documents?" The Fire lord asked skeptically. He seem to doubt the blonde's story.

Naruto was about to say something, but Ino beat him to the punch.

"Well… We wanted to keep her a secret from the Akatsuki." Ino lied.

"Hmm... So I see you two kept your relationship a secret, and your daughter. From the clutches of the Akatsuki huh?" The Daimyo stated as he stared at the two in thought.

Ino quickly grabbed Naruto's hand and squeeze it with her free hand. It would seem that Naruto got Ino's message to 'play along' with her little plan.

So Naruto wrapped his arm around Ino who in turn lean her head on Naruto's shoulder with a small smile. Haruka smile and started to chew on Ino's hair.

The Daimyo couldn't help but smile. He couldn't imagine what it would be like if he had to hide his love for his wife, and his own children just to protect them from an evil terrorist group... But still something felt off he just couldn't place it.

'Young love that must be it!… **_Love_** makes you do crazy things to protect your love ones' The Daimyo thought to himself.

" I see. So I'm guessing your marriage too is also kept a secret from the world...hmm?" The Daimyo questioned the couple.

"Yeah..." Was Naruto's response.

"Yes! It was so hard taking care of Haruka and not being able to sleep in the same bed as my husband." Ino lamented as she dug her face into the crook of Naruto's neck as Naruto griped her tighter.

"Well, I will get one of my advisors to print the copies for... Haruka? "The Daimyo said not a 100% sure on the name.

"Yes, that's our little angel's wonderful name" Ino said with smile as she glance at a napping Haruka who was on her lap.

"Yes, Haruka's documents will be completed shortly... Oh and also your marriage papers too."

"... That's is so wonderful isn't it, Snookums?" Ino said glancing at Naruto.

"...Oh yeah it is...Cuddly-Wuddly." Naruto said looking at Ino who almost gagged at the pet-name.

The Daimyo suddenly clapped 4 times.

Out came a servant with a metallic box.

"Young Uzumaki, I've been in the possession of your parent's wedding rings for quite a while now, 16 years in fact. I receive them after their death... I'm pretty sure they would've wanted you and your wife to wear them rather then collect dust, haha" The Daimyo said with a chuckle

Naruto for the most part was shocked his father and mother's wedding bands were right there in front of him!

In a flash Naruto open the box and gazed real long and hard at his parent's rings. One ring that was probably his mother's was silver and the ring had a 24 karat silver diamond crystal, and also the ring had the Uzumaki swirl engraved into the inside of the ring. And the other ring which was probably his father's ring was a plain old silver one.

Naruto glance at the Daimyo who had an expectant look on his face. Naruto had an idea what he was probably thinking. So Naruto carefully grabbed his mother's ring and grabbed Ino's right hand and caressed her knuckles before slowly putting the ring on her ring finger. Thankfully the ring fit maybe a little bit tight, but hey at least it fit.

"..." Ino said nothing to shocked to say anything. Ino had no idea who Naruto parents were and their ties to the Daimyo. But what she did know that Naruto's parents meant a lot to him. So for him to do that made Ino feel... elated.

The Daimyo started to clap.

"Aww that was just too cute. Ah to be young again." The Daimyo chuckled at the expense of the blondes.

Ino quickly grabbed Naruto's hand and his father's ring shove the ring on Naruto's left ring finger.

"Mr and Mrs Uzumaki. I have some questions… May I asked who's gonna take care of the child while you two are away on missions?"

Naruto and Ino started to sweat! Where did that come from? Now that they did think about it they really had nobody who could babysit Haruka.

"Oh and not all members of the Akatsuki are dead. So what are you going to do? Why announce it now?"

"..." The blondes were silent.

The Daimyo simply smirked.

"I had a feeling you too wouldn't have a plan so that's why I revoked your ninja id's." The Daimyo said as he fanned himself with pride.

"Eh!" Naruto shouted

"What do you mean!" Screamed Ino

"Simple you two are no longer ninja anymore. You two can successfully raise Haruka without the hassle of missions."

" B-but How am I supposed to become Hokage if I'm not a leaf ninja?"

"I never said you two were banned from being ninja. Just think of it as a really long vacation okay?"

"What about the war?" Ino questioned

"Like I said you're not banned from being a ninja."

"What about money?" Naruto questioned the Daimyo.

"I'm sure your parent's funds will be enough... Oh! That reminds me as a gift for your new chapter in life I will give, the young Uzumaki's a house on the nice side of Konoha."

"Huh? Why would you do that?" Naruto and Ino asked,The Daimyo at the same exact time.

"Hahahah... Anything for the Leaf's savior, and the son of a hero" The Daimyo chuckle wisely.

Ino looked a little confused, but didn't question it. She decided to ask Naruto as soon as they were alone.

"Yes,! Now then why don't I have my servants take you guys to your rooms, hmm?" The Daimyo said as he fan himself.

"Oh... uh right" Naruto said.

The blondes followed the servant to the room each wondering how lucky they became in these last few moments l.

...

The blondes were now in their room which was extremely nice, but Ino didn't care Ino was livid.

Naruto and Haruka sat on the bed and watched Ino pace back and fourth.

"I can't believe I have to Marry Naruto Uzumaki, The Village's idiot!"

"My chance at true love ripped away!"

"What will my parents say? When they find out I married, Naruto Uzumaki of all people!"

Naruto ears started to hurt and he also felt a bit of pain in his pride.

"You do realize I'm right here Y'know!"

"Well, yeah I know! It's just that I never thought I marry anyone else other than Sasuke... And being force to marry you is like really gross!"

Naruto did not say a word. Instead he took a few deep breathes.

"If you don't want to marry me then stop trying to be Haruka's mother."

Ino stopped pacing and glanced between Haruka and Naruto.

"And besides I was gonna asked Sakura... Heck maybe even Hinata to be Haruka's mother. Never did I think it would be you or you would volunteer... So for you say that, it's nice kinda like a miracle" Naruto said harshly.

Ino eyes widen at the cruelness of Naruto's words.

She was quiet almost too quiet it was as if at any second she would explode

Naruto frowned as one strand tear fell down as her head was downcast.

"Ino..." Naruto started. Feeling the remorse of making Ino tear up.

"What so great about Sakura and Hinata?... I'm so much greater than them combine together, Right?"

"Well Sakura is pretty and Hinata is nice, but a little weird."

"That's your answer? Please I'm way prettier then Sakura would ever be, and Hinata I can be nice too!"

"I don't see where you're going with this"

"I'll become the best wife like no one ever was so that way you'll beg for me not to leave your sorry ass"

"...okay" Naruto said completely lost on where she was going with this

Ino quickly straddle Naruto and made herself comfortable on Naruto's pelvis.

"I-Ino what the hell are you doing?"

"Did Sakura or Hinata ever do this for you" Ino said with a smirk.

"W-well no... But-" Naruto started blushing up a storm. Ino shushed him with her finger. Ino then lean in to Naruto's face their lips were a few inches away.

"I don't care what you say about me, but I will always be Haruka's mother no matter what. Got it, Snookums?"

"I said it once I'll say it again. I'll protect Haruka's life no matter what. Because that's my nindo, my ninja way. You got it, Cuddly-Wuddly?"

The blondes had a starring contest. Neither of them were going to give an inch.

"..." For the next two minutes it was silent, though the silence seem to end when Haruka couldn't stop giggling

The blondes look at the little blonde who was laughing the couple couldn't help, but laugh too with the little blonde, and their childish behavior.

...

 ** _/Time skip\_**

 ** _[Konoha]_**

 ** _( 2 weeks after Naruto and Ino's mission)_**

The Konoha 11 minus two plus Sai were all gather at the Hokage's office.

Sitting in her seat with a tick mark on her head sat the fifth Hokage, Tsunade.

"Do any of you know where Naruto, and Ino are at!" Tsunade barked out. It would seem she wasn't in a great mood.

"Naruto and Ino together?" Sakura asked Tsunade for confirmation.

"Yes, I sent both of them to get rid of a group of bandits" Tsunade stated

"How long have they been missing" Shikamaru said analyzing the situation at hand.

"Two weeks" stated Tsunade

Everyone in the room had a look of pure utter terror

"Oh god! Naruto and Ino can't stand each other!" Choji said.

"Naruto..." Hinata said worried for Naruto's safety.

"So what could be the cause of Naruto's disappearance?" Neji said as everyone looked at him as if he was a ghost.

"There could be all sorts of reasons why Naruto and Ino are missing for example The Akatasuki could've possibly attacked Naruto and Ino." Shikamaru said

The room was quiet after a month after the battle of Pain. After the attack the village became so short staffed everyone has been working hard these last few months; so hard that they lost track of the two blondes and the thought of another attack was unsettling. The mission was really simple they should've arrived the day the mission was assigned. No one even knew Naruto was on a mission…

"I'm only making a hypothesis. We can only assume that the Akatsuki ambush Naruto. Besides Naruto isn't type of guy who easily surrenders." Shikamaru said trying to bring the morale up.

"Well, what we waiting for? C'mon Akamaru and I can take care of those Akatsuki scum!" Kiba shouted

"Yes, Kiba is a most youthful person. We shall show the Akatsuki are Flames Of Youth!" Lee shouted getting into a fighting stance.

"Hold on... You two... We have no idea where they're located at... And we all can't just leave the village..." Shino said with a look of indifference.

"Shino is right we must remain calm. Besides these are all just theories" Kakashi said with a one eyed smile.

"Yes, Kakashi is right this all but a theory for all we know Naruto and Ino left the village and are rogue ninjas as we speak." Shikamaru said

"N-Naruto would N-never Leave the village!" Hinata stutter out.

"Hinata is right. That idiot would never leave us" Sakura said

"Right" Tenten said with a chuckle,

Before anybody could say anything a majestic Falcon flew in through the window and landed on Tsunade desk. The Falcon had a letter.

So Tsunade grabbed the letter and started to read the letter after reading the letter then proceeded to yell

" **WHAT THE HELL?** "

Sakura quickly grabbed the letter and read it out loud.

" _Dear Hokage, tis I The Great and Almighty Fire Daimyo. This letter is here to inform you of Naruto Uzumaki, and Ino Yamanaka resignation as_

 _Leaf Shinobi._

 _Sincerely, The Almighty Fire Daimyo."_

And with that the whole room was silent.

"What?" Neji shouted

"Why would they?" Tenten asked

Everyone started to bicker around it wasn't until Tsunade got annoyed.

" **I WANT ALL OF YOU TO FIND NARUTO AND INO NOW!"** Tsunade shouted with rage as everyone scramble out of the room trying to avoid Tsunade's wraith.

...

So the Konoha 11 minus two plus Sai gathered all around the central plaza of the Village.

"Why would Naruto do this?" Sakura said as she sat down on a bench and stared at the ground hoping Naruto didn't leave her just like Sasuke.

"Yeah what does Ino gain out of any of this" Choji said as he licked his Ice-cream cone.

"I read in a book that a man got this woman pregnant so they ran away together to escape their families and friend's harsh prejudices. Though if that's is a reality then in that case then I'll have to kill Ino" Said Sai as he read one of his books with his usual fake smile.

"Why?" Tenten said asking everyone's question.

"Oh that's simple Naruto is my friend." Sai said with a fake smile as a dark aura appeared around him.

"Uhhhhhhhh Okay?" Tenten said with a sweat drop.

"Naruto is my friend too, but I do not see why we have to kill Ino?" Lee said with a look of confusion on his face

"Naruto is my friend. If what my book says is true then Naruto and Ino would have to run away leaving me all alone." Sai said

"What about me I thought I was your friend too?" Sakura said dryly

"Naruto said girls have cooties and that I should not ever touch you even if my life depended on it... And also he told me about the menstruation" Sai said with a look akin to horror

" ** _I'M GONNNA KILL HIM!_** " Sakura yelled as she cracked her knuckles.

"Yes, That is why I swear I will never ever touch a girl" Sai said as he looked at the Hokage's monument with pride.

"Jeez why don't you hang out with Sasuke or something..." Kiba muttered to himself

"So are we going to kill Ino are not?" Lee said as everyone except Sai for obvious reasons look at him as if he were crazy.

"No" Sakura simply said feeling a headache coming

Suddenly Akamaru started to bark to get everyone's attention.

"What is it boy? Konohamaru is stuck in the well… Again?" Kiba question Akamaru who face palm with his paw.

He started barking he even bit Kiba to stop him from being an idiot.

"Oooohhh! Akamaru said he's found Ino's scent! C'mon guys!" Kiba shouted as he got on Akamaru like a horse and rode away into the sunset... Or wherever the hell Akamaru was taking him.

...

The Konoha 11, minus 2, Plus Sai found themselves at a tomato stand in the market district of Konoha.

"What are we doing here?" Neji said as he looked around

"Akamaru said he found the scent of Ino here." Kiba said

"Ino was here?" Sakura said

"That's what Akamaru said" Kiba said as he look for something to snack on

"Hmm what would Ino be doing at the market district?" Choji asked everybody

"Hard to say..." Shikamaru said

"E-excuse m-me ma'am" Hinata stutter at the tomato stand woman who look to be in her late twenties.

"Ma'am? I'm not even 30!" Cried the woman who cross her arms clearly not happy.

"O-oh I'm sorry." Hinata meekly apologized to woman and bowed.

"Have you seen a girl with blonde hair tied up in a ponytail..." Shino simply said

"Ugh you mean that happy go lucky married bitch..." The woman replied as she frowned thinking about past events

"Married?" Sakura question the woman confused

"Uh yeah like totally this girl walks to my stand with her handsome ass husband and said that my family home-picked tomatoes weren't the best! She said that Sasuki's tomatoes that are down the street are way better then my tomatoes!" The woman ranted

"Which way did they go!" Lee shouted

"Ugh they went that way" the woman said pointing to her right, and before she knew it the weird boy in green spandex dashed off with his friends following behind him she never got to mention the couple's cute daughter. Why couldn't she find a nice, handsome, responsible, and mature man like the man she met earlier this morning?

"I think Akamaru is on to something!" Kiba shouted as the group dashed off until they found themselves on the nice side of town or where the Hyuga compound is located.

Pretty soon Akamaru led them to a house... No it wasn't a house it was an estate for better words.

Akamaru and Kiba sniff around and then nodded to each other

"We can smell Naruto and Ino!" Kiba shouted with glee

"That's nice and all, but what the hell are they doing here?" Asked Tenten as she look at the estate and whistle. Tenten had to admit it was fancy.

"Hey! Look! Listen!" one of Shino's bugs shouted

Shino quickly swatted the blue glowing bug

"Shut up. Navi..." Shino said coldly

 _... Anyways back to the story on the gate there was a sign that read 'Uzumaki'_

"Naruto own's this place" Sakura said in thought and wonder on her idiot receive such a house

Shikamaru went to inform Tsunade who brought Kakashi, Shizune, Yamato, and Kurenai to the estate.

" ** _LA MIGRA_**!" Someone shouted

The group took that as a sign to climbed up the fence and then they sprinted as fast as they could. Then proceeded to knock on the front door and they found something they never thought they would ever see A sweaty and tired Naruto wearing a pink apron with flour stains. The aroma in the house smelt really exotic, but it was good.

"What's up?" Naruto said with a stupid grin

" **WHAT'S UP? AFTER 2 WEEKS THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY?** " Yelled Tsunade ready to punch the heavens out of him.

"Lady Tsunade is right! Did you realize how worried we would all be!" Sakura exclaimed with fury in her eyes

"Hakuna-Matata." Naruto said with a chuckle as he scratched the back of his head.

"Huh?" Shikamaru question his friend as everyone look at Naruto like he was crazy

"It means no worries." Naruto answered with a laugh

"Uhhhh right" Kakashi said as he pulled out his book and started to read chuckling to himself.

"Oh! Welcome to my house!" Naruto shouted in a gleeful manner as he shushed the group inside his front door.

The group found themselves seated in the living room and all had to admit it was elegant and the couches were comfortable. The carpet was nice and soft, and don't even get me started on that lighting.

"So Naruto what are you making?" Choji asked as he lick his lips at the smell of new foreign smell

"Oh! Yeah that's right I'm making fajitas!" Naruto said with a smile.

"..." The room was silent

"What!" Choji said frighten he had no idea what a fajita was?

"Choji is right what is a fajita?" Kurenai question as she rubbed her big belly and felt a kick it would seem these new exotic scents were making her little one hungry.

"Yes, how do you fajita? Is it in the book?" Sai asked Naruto with a genuine smile.

"Okay if you're here who's cooking right now?" Tenten asked as everyone look at the stove only to see a clone

In charge of the stove and another one Flipping homemade flour tortillas.

The group had to admit this foreign cuisine smelt divine if not a little unique to what to what they were normally used to.

"Naruto since when did you learn how to cook?" Yamato asked

"Oh well you see it's something I do in my past time along with gardening. Boy I've been told many times by the Pervy-sage that I got a green thumb, haha." Naruto chuckle at his friends faces. Was it so hard for them to believe he like to garden and cook?

"Where do you find the time to manage all this?" Neji asked

"HE MEANS WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THE FOOD!" Choji shouted

"Um… To answer your first question I'd cook whenever I can mostly when I'm not on missions. And for Choji's question the food I make... Um most of the times eat the food by myself or I used to eat with Sasuke on the Hokage's monument, but sometimes I make way to much so I go to the orphanage and feed the kids." Naruto chuckle at end as he scratched his whiskered cheek. Even if the ladies were mean to him as a child that didn't mean the kids had anything to do with horrors he faced as a child.

"Wow!" Sakura said shocked of this new information about her teammate she never knew about

"So may I ask where you learn the origins of this cuisine or more importantly may I sample your Fajitas" Choji begged Naruto on his hands and knees

"Well, I'd learn this on my training trip from going to a Chipotle while traveling... Oh! Sure thing!" Naruto said as he quickly ran to the kitchen In a yellow blur then appeared with a taco with beef fajitas mixed in with tomatoes, onions, and bell peppers. Sprinkle on melted cheese, and Naruto also handed Choji a drink.

"What is this?" Choji asked as he study the ice-code beverage and sniffed it a few times.

"It's sweet tea" Ino scoffed as she came down the stairs holding Haruka who was chewing on her hair.

"I-Ino!" Sakura shouted at her best friend. Just what was Ino doing with a child at Naruto's new House!

"Hey forehead I was wondering where all that screeching was coming from" Ino said with a chuckle as Haruka stopped chewing on Ino's hair and looked really hard at the group until she saw Naruto then she started to reach her hands out to Naruto as if saying hold me.

Naruto chuckle at the little blonde's antics and picked up the child and started making funny sounds as he tickle her. Haruka cute childish laughter brought a smile upon Ino's face.

"Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on around here?" Tsunade asked staring real intently at the child.

"Oh yeah! Granny this is my daughter, Haruka!" Naruto shouted with pride

"N-naruto..." Hinata said with a blush

Ino quickly elbowed Naruto in the rib who cringed and nodded.

"He means to say **OUR** daughter." Ino clarified

"When Where and How?" Tsunade questioned the blondes.

Before Ino could tell the truth about the matter Naruto began to speak.

"It all started 3 years ago Me and Ino were deeply In love so we got married in secret, but we couldn't keep our passion out of the bedroom and then **BAM**! Haruka was born, and the Fire Daimyo took care of Haruka for the past two years, and he is also her godfather." Naruto said as he took a few deep breathes.

Thump! Hinata just fainted while the whole room was dead silent.

"Naruto how come I'm not the godfather!" Sai said with a fake smile, he didn't seem happy.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhh because ummmm we wanted to make you her Uncle!" Naruto said completely uncomfortable.

"Perfect!" Sai said with a real smile

"Man this is good!" Choji yelled as he finish his plate and went to the kitchen and devour all the soft tacos.

" **CHOJI WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING**!" Ino yelled enraged the Choji was eating all the food Naruto made for her.

"This is not gonna go well..." Naruto said with a sigh as Haruka giggled.

"...What are you on about now? I'm still trying to accept that Naruto and Ino did the dance with no pants!" Tenten scream as she and the others watched Choji devour the fajitas.

"Dance with no pants?" Neji said confused

"Y'know sexual intercourse?" Tenten said bluntly

"What's that?" Neji asked curious as every teenager and adult looked at him in shock

Sai walked up to Neji and whisper a few things into his ear. The look on Neji face was unsettling and pure horror was on his face, but he compose himself because he was a Hyuga though that did little to hide his tears.

"Um, Neji are you okay?" Tenten asked Neji unsettled by Neji's tears.

 **"STAY AWAY FROM ME WITCH I SHALL NOT HAVE YOU STEAL MY CHASTITY!"** Neji yelled as he got behind Naruto and started breathe hard as Haruka giggled at Neji's behavior.

"Sai what did you say to him?" Yamato questioned him

"Oh nothing just what Naruto told me... I too acted like that, but Naruto calmed me down" Sai said with a laugh.

 **"I DON'T WANNA EVER TOUCH A GIRL AGAIN!"** Neji yelled out of character.

"You know Neji, you and Sai need to stop hanging around Sasuke for a while." Kiba said with a laugh as everyone stared at him confused

"What? Aw Come On! Seriously! None of you get it?" Kiba asked as he look around at everyone was silent even Haruka stopped giggling and stared at Kiba.

"It's not that we don't get it... It's more like jokes about Sasuke's sexuality are immature..." Shino stated

"O-oh Yeah well...YOUR MOM!" Kiba shouted

"Hmph... Yes I surly did make your mom my bitch last night..." Shino said as he put on a pair of sunglasses over his sunglasses.

" **OOOO** ooooooo **OOOHHHHH** hhhh" Everyone shouted laughing their behinds off even Haruka was laughing too as Kiba was dumbstruck by Shino's comeback.

"My stomach doesn't feel so good" Choji said as he rub his belly

" **YOU IDIOT!** " Ino shouted

" **NARUTO** Where is your bathroom?" Choji demanded

"It's um upstairs first door on your left." Naruto as Choji ran as fast as he could.

Choji sprinted up the stairs and tried opening the door but only find it locked

"NARUTO IT'S LOCKED!" Choji yelled as he ran back to the living room.

"What?... OH! Yeah Gai-Sensei went in there a couple minutes ago."

"Oh Mustard!" Choji cursed

"You can-" Naruto started but Ino put her hand in his mouth to shut him up

"Sorry Choji but looks like your gonna have to find a restroom somewhere else." Ino lied

Truth be told Ino and Naruto did have their own master bathroom, but she wasn't gonna let Choji use her own special restroom besides she didn't even let Naruto use that bathroom either.

Few seconds later there was a horrible smell in the living room everyone but Naruto and Ino look at Haruka suspiciously and gave an expectant look at Naruto and Ino who both look confused.

"What?" Naruto asked as he look at Haruka who had her hand on her nose.

"Aren't you gonna changed her diaper, Pig?" Sakura said with a raised eyebrow.

"I just did that a while ago Billboard-brow!" Ino said annoyed

"Sorry" Choji said with a look of guilt and shame as he stared at the floor.

"Did he just-" Shikamaru started

"Shit his pants?" Yamato finished

" **HE SHIT HIS PANTS? HOW YOUTHFUL OF YOU CHOJI, TO SHOW US THAT YOU'RE COMFORTABLE OF LETTING OUT YOUR WASTE IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS!"** Lee shouted with tears of joy.

"..." Ino looked down her bangs covering her eyes

"Get out..." Ino whispered as everyone shifted their glances toward the blonde.

"What?" Choji question her

"I SAID GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Ino screamed as Choji waddle his way out the door, but sadly the living room still smelled like "roses".

"Hey Ino don't you think that was kinda harsh, besides your being a pain" Shikamaru said scratching his neck.

Ino look at Shikamaru for a minute then looked at everyone with a frown.

"Yeah Shikamaru is right there is no need to be treating your comrades like that after a...accident" Kakashi said as he flip a page of his smut.

"EVERYONE GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Ino yelled with rage.

Pretty soon everyone but Tsunade left the Uzumaki's and Yamanaka's residence.

Ino took a few deep breathes trying to calm her ire as Haruka started to cry who was afraid of all the ruckus Ino made just a few moments ago.

Naruto tried calming Haruka down, but to no avail nothing seemed to work. Ino march her way towards Naruto and gently grabbed Haruka and started to hum a lullaby from her childhood. That seem to calm Haruka down as she stopped crying and listened to soothing sounds that Ino made to calm her down.

Naruto stared at Ino in awe who would've thought that same annoying Ino who used to fawn over Sasuke all the time, and was always gossiping could be a great mother. If Naruto didn't know any better he would've thought that Haruka was Ino's real daughter because he could see the love in Ino's eyes. Whenever Ino carried Haruka, Naruto was able to see that love and that pride it was just something... He just couldn't described Ino's love for Haruka.

Tsunade watched the blondes intently and studied Naruto who had a stupid smile on his face.

"Naruto...?" Ino called Naruto gently as Haruka closed her eyes.

"Yes...?" Naruto whispered carefully trying not to wake up Haruka.

"Can you tuck Haruka in bed, please?" Ino asked Naruto with a smile.

"Of course." Naruto said instantly as he slowly took Haruka in his arms and made sure to secure her tightly.

Ino nodded to Naruto as he went upstairs to put Haruka in bed.

Tsunade for the most part was shocked. Ino and Naruto were known to be very loud and somewhat brash and annoying at times. So for them to act like this was mind boggling!

"My Lady, I think it would be best if you leaved now." Ino said trying to act all formal.

Tsunade raised a brow and grew a tick mark and was about to pummel Ino to pieces with words, but Ino cut her off before she could do anything.

"Look Naruto and I are no longer ninjas of the Leaf. So that means you have no authority over us. we are now normal citizens of The Fire Country. Not to mention we are also royalty too" Ino said as she opened the front door for Tsunade who was dumbfounded.

"What do you mean Royalty!" Tsunade barked out

"Well Haruka is the God-daughter of the Daimyo!." Ino said as she shoved the Hokage out of the front door.

"Mark my words, Ino...-" Tsunade spoked getting Ino's attention

"…Uzumaki. I will find all my answers in due time so don't think you can walk way scotch free y'hear?" Tsunade said staring down at Ino who flinch on the way she said Uzumaki. It was if Tsunade was mocking her and had already knew of the events of Haruka's oirgins.

"I understand..." Ino mutter as she close the front door and sighed and walk up the stairs to have a talk with Naruto.

...

Ino walked up the stairs to Haruka's room where Naruto was currently standing in the doorway.

Naruto gave Ino one of his foxy smiles as Ino marched her way towards her fellow blonde.

"Hey there, cuddles" Naruto said with a chuckle

Ino's face went scarlet at one of those stupid nicknamesmthat Naruto used to always rile her up. Ino stopped for a second to compose herself before grabbing Naruto by the ear and dragging him towards the master bedroom.

"H-hey what was that for?"

"Ugh! I can't believe you! You had the nerve not only to lie to our friends, but told them and I quote... "we couldn't keep the passion out of the bedroom"

Naruto looked a little flustered and was about to say something, but one look at Ino told him to shut it.

" Dammit! Why did you lie to our friends? Why can't we tell them the truth about Haruka?"

"...Well um I figured that it be best if we kept the same story we told to the Daimyo" Naruto said scratching the back of his head.

"I guess...Don't think that you're walking out of this away all fine and dandy, Snookums"

"W-what no you can't-"

"Yup! Your on diaper duty for a month." Ino said with a giggle as a gloomy looking cloud appeared out of nowhere over Naruto's head.

"Aww c'mon on! I did it yesterday and the day before yesterday!" Naruto whined and crossed his arms and pouted like a small child.

"Now since you think you can talk back to me. you get to go with me and tell my father that you deflower his precious little princess"

Naruto's face went white and he started to stutter out inaudible words.

"SO HARUKA IS NOT REALLY YOUR CHILD?" The loud and boisterous voice that could only belong to Gai-Sensei was heard throughout the house.

"S-sensei...?" Ino question with a frown

"Bushier-Brows-Sensei!" Naruto shouted in surprise and hid behind him afraid of Ino's wraith.

"WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?" Gai said as he looked between Naruto and Ino for an answer.

"U-umm... Well you see..." Naruto said looking around trying to come up with a good excuse

"What he means to say that we were joking." Ino said with a forced laugh as she gave Naruto the look. That always meant to shut up or else.

Gai crossed his arms and for first time Gai looked serious.

"It is very Unyouthful to lie to your superiors." Gai said with a frown.

"Were not ninja anymore!" Naruto shouted with a nervous laugh

"Just tell me what happened" Gai said completely out of character which startle the two blondes.

"Okay fine! It all started two weeks ago..." Naruto started as Gai made himself comfortable in the master bedroom.

"... And that's what happened." Naruto finished his long and dreadful tale of the origins of Haruka.

"I see... So I'm assuming you want to keep this a secret from the public?" Gai said with a frown

"Yes…" Naruto and Ino said at the exact same time

Gai cross his arms and went into a thinking pose for several seconds before flashing that blinding smile of his and giving the blondes the "Nice guy pose".

" YOU CAN COUNT ON ME, MIGHT GAI WHO WILL FOREVER KEEP THIS SECRET UNTIL THE DAY THE WORLD WILL PERISH FROM THE LACK OF YOUTHFULNESS!" Gai yelled as Naruto and Ino were praying to God that Haruka didn't stir from her slumber with all the rumpuses Gai-sensei had made.

"Great..." Naruto muttered as he watched Gai-sensei's mood change completing in a matter of seconds.

"Hey I just realize I haven't had dinner yet!" Ino yelled as she felt her tummy growl.

"Me too!" Gai shouted with joy

"Narutooooo can you please make me dinner for me again?" Ino whined to Naruto pouting.

"No problem" Naruto chuckled out as he went to the kitchen to figure out what to make.

Ino grinned as she watched Naruto walk down the stairs to the kitchen. Ino had no idea what it would be like living with Naruto, but now she would say it is a blessing and a curse. The other day he had wanted to paint all the walls orange, and the next day he tried building a hot spring for the both of them after she had said she wish the house had one. God he was such so crazy from his love to ramen and all things orange, and finally his need to constantly cater to her and Haruka's every need. He was just something else that's all she could say for now.

Gai looked at Ino with interest as he watched her stare at Naruto. It was weird seeing the blondes like this before finding, little Haruka the two wanted nothing to do with each other, but now Naruto, and Ino were both starting to realize that they both depended on each other.

Gai smiled and chuckled heartily at the blondes it would seem the springtime of youth would blossom here at the newly established Uzumaki residence. Gai then quickly ran down the stairs to assist Naruto in any way he could.

...

[Meanwhile in the Hokage's office]

"Something just doesn't add up." Tsunade said as she sat down in her office chair thinking about those troublesome blondes.

" Yeah! Naruto and Ino settling down c'mon! Can you believe that?" Tenten yelled

" U-um I've been W-watching Naruto ever since the start of the academy, and Ino they never ever once showed any sort of L-love or interest in each other ." Hinata stuttered out and blushed when everyone stared at her.

"...Yeah... It makes no sense... Really" Shino said not that anyone was paying attention though.

"Yeah! Me and Akamaru smell something fishy" Kiba shouted as he pat Akamaru on the head.

"Sorry. I eat seafood when I feel shame" Choji said as he munched on his freshly caught catfish.

"...Yeah anyways the point is Naruto and Ino's story doesn't add up. So that means I want all of you to investigate. Dismiss!" Tsuande ordered

In a matter of minutes the office was clear and only person left was Tsunade who was left to ponder her thoughts in this lonesome night.

Tsunade then looked up at the sky and said to herself

" I will find out and my mark my works when I do… There will be hell to pay"

 ** _[Author's note]_**

 ** _Well this is the end of the first chapter of Undue Shushes. Which is the most words I've ever typed before. Fun fact this chapter alone took me about three years on/off to type up. It's very obvious because this story goes in so many directions that it can give someone a headache! Speaking of headaches. You would not believe the trouble I had trying to get this story on this damn site! Again if the formating_**

 ** _So yeah the next chapter might be coming soon. No promises though cause this is the time of the year where I have lots of sh*t I need to do. So yeah thanks for taking the time to read this and maybe review? It's cool if you don't so anyways have a nice day!_**

 ** _...Or good Night!/Morning!_**

 ** _Thank you!_**


	2. Chapter 2

In a dark secluded cavern a young man with black hair stared lifelessly at a picture of a man who resembled, the young man very much.

"Sasuke... I have news for you." A deep voice that snapped the newly named, Sasuke back to reality.

"Out with it." Sasuke replied curtly as he stared at the man with the orange swivel mask, who claim to be Madara Uchiha

The man simply sighed at the young man's attitude problem, but simply concluded it was just a "phase"

"Well for starters it would seem your friend, Naruto Uzumaki has already sired a child." Madara said as Sasuke's eyes widen in shock at the revelation

"See... I've always known that the Dead-last would eventually give up on me!" Sasuke shouted in rage as his onyx eye were void of any light in them.

"How long?" Sasuke asked Madara or it was more like he demanded.

"...Zetsu said that, young Usumaki has well... Hidden the child for over two years."

"That's impossible! What skank did he knock up? Was it the damn, Hyuga heiress?" Sasuke shouted as Madara tilted his head in confusion at Sasuke's odd behavior.

"Nah fuck cannon from what information that Zetsu gathered. It would seem, Ino Yamanaka is the child's mother." Madara said as Sasuke looked livid.

" The blonde bimbo? Damn that Dead-last! He took any girl that would open her legs for him!" Sasuke yelled as he started to run with his arms behind his body towards the exit.

Just when Sasuke was about to exit the dark cavern, Madara appeared in front of him hindering him from leaving.

"Out of my way!" Sasuke shouted with rage as he brought out his katana that He got from eBay!

"Just what are you planning?" Madara asked generally interested into what the young man had to say.

"I'm gonna kill the blonde whore! And the baby! Then all of the Leaf!" Sasuke proclaim with a maniacal laugh. As he swung his katana around in awkward movements to seem cool or coolest or cooler!

"Whoah, whoah whoah. Killing everybody in the Leaf is okay and all, and even killing the blonde hair wench is all right, Mate. But killing the baby? That's fucked!" Madara said as Sasuke stared at Madara with a sickening smile.

"Haha... So what? No one other then me is allowed in the Dead-last's life!" Sasuke shouted with a smile that even sent Madara shivers.

"Good lord, you're fucked up in the head, mate! That would explain why your classmates voted you 'Most likely To Bring A Gun To School'" Madara said dryly as Sasuke finally noticed the poor Australian accent that Madara was speaking just now and also Madara's shitty attempt at humor.

"Shut up! No one ever understands me!" Sasuke said with a hair flip as his hair covered his eyes. Leaving Madara to question Sasuke's sanity.

"Yeah this is definitely not a phase..." Madara said with a sigh

"Fuck you, you asshole! You're not even Madara! You're just fucking Obito!" Sasuke shouted as he got down on one knee channeling is inner emo powers... Yeah why the fuck not... Emo Powers...

"Ah fuck, I can't believe you've done this!" The now newly named Obito said with a voice that could be only described as utter betrayal.

Sasuke smirked he knew he had won this battle now he would be able to take back his Naruto!

" Well at least I'm not a psychotic, emo fagot! Obito shouted and pointed a finger at Sasuke who simply shrugged.

"Well at least I'm not a borderline pedopile! Who spent the rest of his life trying to get with a dead little girl who never ever was once interested in him in the first place." Sasuke said coldly with a smirk as Obito's orange mask broke as he fell to his knees gasping for air.

"Just... What is this jutsu!" Obito shouted in agonized pain it was as if he was being impaled by a chidori, but instead of being impaled with a lightning rod, He was impaled by words!

"Yippee ki-yay, Motherfucker" Sasuke said with a smirk as he ran with his arms behind his body leaving Obito in a puddle of his own tears.

To further explain to our viewers on what the fuck just happened! Sasuke has been training in the art of Emo! That he has perfected a jutsu that is so strong it can instantly drop the victim to the floor, giving the victim crippling depression! Or maybe the "cringey" author of this damn accursed story is a fucking idiot?

...

Back to the story!

After finding out that Naruto became a father, Sasuke goes in search of Naruto and looking forward to exacting his revenge on the Leaf, Ino, and the baby! Maybe not in that exact order, but the point was people were gonna die!

 **(Leaf Village)**

 **11:36 AM**

Ino slowly rose from her slumber as she stretched and sighed as she slowly got out of her bed... Okay technically she was supposed to be sharing this bed with Naruto.

Speaking of Naruto his futon and his sheets were in a disarray it was as if someone woke up at exactly 3:00 AM in the morning and hustled out of the room in a mad panic to go the restroom. Oddly specific wouldn't you agree?

Ino sighed she had a feeling she knew where he was so she went ahead and walked out of the master bedroom and went into Haruka's room which was right next to the master bedroom and sure enough Naruto was there pass out on the floor in a awkward position

She couldn't help, but feel sorry for his back. Oh well he had to pay the price! But maybe just maybe next time she'll take "diaper duty"

Ino sighed as she decided it be better to let him and Haruka sleep. So Ino walked down the stairs and headed towards the kitchen as she made her way towards the kitchen as the scent of freshly brewed coffee brushed her nose as each step she took the smell got stronger until finally she was able to see... Gai-sensei? Who was at the moment trying his best to make scramble eggs.

"Gai-sensei? You're still here?" Ino said with an raised eyebrow as Gai-sensei eyes widen as he checked the time of the clock and inwardly groan at his unyouthfulness

...

"Y-YES! I DECIDED THAT I'D MAKE BREAKFAST FOR THE UZUMAKI FAMILY!" Gai shouted as Ino gave him a suspicious look at his dubious behavior.

"Gai... You've told someone didn't you?" Ino said in shock as she was connecting all the dots together.

"Guilty as charged." A voice call over which was revealed to be Kakashi-sensei who was sitting down at the kitchen table while reading a newspaper

"Kakashi-sensei?" Ino said in surprise as Kakashi put aside his newspaper and took a sip of his coffee.

" Now before you shift your anger at, Gai now. Understand this if you didn't think I would investigate this matter that deals with one of my precious students... Well then your time as a ninja was a waste." Kakashi said with an eye-smiled as if he was trying to lighten the situation.

"You have no right-" Ino started but Kakashi glared at her that seem to shut her up real quick.

"Ino I expected so much better out of you. You've should've prevented Naruto from getting any sense of attachment for this baby. Because of this, Madara and his followers will use this as an advantage and will use the child or even you as leverage." Kakashi said very sternly as Ino clenched her fist in rage.

"Things most likely would have probably would have been fine if you didn't go to the Daimyo. I wouldn't have expected you to know since you are still just a child, but the capital is filled with spies everywhere" Kakashi said as he stood up from his seat and pushed his chair in, and then proceeded to walk closer to where Ino was.

"Ino after Pain's attack on the Leaf we are essentially a sitting duck that can be attacked at any moment, however due to unforeseen events the Leaf's greatest defense against invasion now has been weakened."

"You're talking about, Naruto!" Ino shouted at the realization of what he was implying as she stared at him shocked and a look of disgust.

"You're getting the wrong impression... Naruto is still a child and our enemy will use this baby as leverage against us... Look Ino I get it, you feel like it's your duty to take care of this child, but you're still too young, Ino. Raising a child is the last thing you should be thinking about... Look in a decade you can marry a man and have a child out of love not out of pity." Kakashi said sternly as Ino clenched her fist in raged.

"It's not out of pity!" Ino yelled as Kakashi walked closer to her.

"... I'm sure it's not, but no matter how you look at it, you're throwing away your youth"

" Oh really? Isn't there a war about to break out soon? I'm sure lots of kids will have to throw away their youths"

"... Look if you continue to take care of this child it will only destroy you! You won't have time to spend with Sakura or any of your friends, and you'll never marry a man you love! You can fake Naruto's and your marriage all you want, but you'll never ever be able to fake that _love_ to, Haruka. She will catch on eventually." Kakashi said coldly as Ino eyes widen in shock.

" I know what I'm asking may seem very difficult, but trust me, Ino you must part ways with Haruka."

"I... I-"

"It's fine, Ino I knew what I was getting into when I said I would adopt, Haruka."

Kakashi and Ino turned around instantly to see Naruto who forced a smile as he had Haruka clutched in his arms.

"Do whatever you want" Naruto muttered coldly as he walked out the door with Haruka in arms. He didn't even bother to close the door as a cool brush of wind smacked, Ino in the face leaving her in a stupor of emotions.

She fell to her knees as she yelled out in frustration.

Kakashi walked over to Ino and put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her.

"I don't agree in you two taking in the child, however I'll admit that's a better idea than masquerading as secret lovers, and keeping everyone in the dark." Kakashi said with a one eye smiled.

Ino rolled her eyes and cursed herself and the fool who came up with that story that no one in their right mind would ever buy.

Kakashi simply sighed as he shook his head " I'll leave you to spend some time to yourself, Come Gai we need to give her space.

Gai nodded his head and gave Ino a smile and thumbs up as he left in swirling wind of leaves leaving in the foul aroma of eggs that were currently being burn on the stove.

Ino stood there letting her sense of smell bring her back to reality and the gravity of the situation. Sure being a Mom and a wife was surprisingly a foreign yet exciting new feeling, but at the end of the day she and Naruto were just playing house with a real life child. A child who is dependent on these two foolish parents who have to be fully committed to her. In short the situation she brought upon herself wasn't a game. Naruto and her would have to act like an actual married couple for this farce to continue.

"Do not worry all woman should be entitled to the choice of whether they can have an abortion or not!" A voice called out from behind Ino!

Ino turned around to see a face she never thought she see in real life...

"Bernie Sanders what are you doing here?" Ino asked as she tilted her head in confusion as she glance at her surroundings wary of any more political figures popping up.

"First I came to turn off your stove and now I'm here to warn you that global warning does indeed exist!"

" Okaayyy yeah"

" Well you look troubled, child so what can I do for you. I'm a good listener I spent the last twenty years as a senator of Vermont listening to republicans whine"

"Haha Oh Bernie you joker. Well if you must know...And now that's what happened."

"Hmm seems to me that whoever wrote this garbage must be on a fair amount of drugs, wouldn't you say haha" Bernie chuckled as Ino smiled at Bernie

"No Im afraid he's just another idiot sober on sleep deprivation."

" Oh so another angsty, edgy teenager?" Bernie Sanders said with a smirk as he finally sat down and took a the sip of the coffee that Kakashi drank from a moment ago.

" So another one of your supporters, huh?" Ino said cheekily as Bernie Sanders coughed a few times before finally regaining his composure.

"Hmm this coffee is cold"

"Yeah..."

"..."

"Um are you gonna go?"

"Hey Ino this is awkward I forgot my stuff- Wait Bernie Sanders? What are you doing here?"

"Hello there, child are you a sufferer of Mesothelioma? Call now to earn compensation for the rights you deserve."

"Ino why is Bernie Sanders in the house?"

"He's rallying against the world right now"

Just then a loud crash could be heard everyone turned their attention to see shards of broken glass around a figure who covered himself with a black robe.

Haruka started to cry as Naruto started to freak out, and failed to calm her down, Ino without any hesitation ran to his aid and took Haruka in her arms and nodded to him as she hushed Haruka and rocked her back and forth to quill her wails. Naruto's mouth went agape and could only stare in amazement as Ino successfully calmed down, Haruka in what felt like in the matter of seconds.

"Disgusting." A male voice that Naruto knew all too well as his eyes widened as he frowned and place his attention on the hooded robed man. He took a couple sets

" What are you doing here, Sasuke?" Naruto questioned as the hooded robed man removed his hood revealing his shringan.

"What's wrong, deadlast can't I visit the happy couple and the miracle child?" Sasuke said, his voice cool and flat as he walked closer completely Ignoring Bernie Sanders.

" Who knew all I all had to do was become a father for you come back" Naruto said with a small smile trying to lighten the situation.

" Shut the fuck up, you idiot! I-It's not like I came here to kill everyone in the village because I was jealous or something!" " Sasuke said as he crossed his arms and avoided Naruto's gaze

Naruto had to admit that act alone managed to get him a semi-chode it's wasn't a full on chode so it wasn't gay, but the thought alone was pretty gay. To alleviate the cognitive perception of him being gay, Naruto could then say the magic, golden words "No Homo" and make everything okay and not be gay! BUT if Sasuke didn't mean anything to be taken as gay and Naruto would to say " No Homo" without any comprehensible context then Naruto would then be perceived to be gay for thinking gay thoughts!

Naruto bit his cheek he was in a stalemate as Sasuke stared at Naruto with a sickening grin plastered on his face as he waited for Naruto to attack.

"..."

Ino blinked a few times as Haruka chewed on her hair to cope with her fear. Ino stared between Naruto and Sasuke and finally connected the dots all together... Ino always knew, Naruto after being the village hero he would have a few girls who would have a broken heart with the revelation of their new marriage. But never would she ever imagine that her new _love_ rival would be her old crush from the academy.

Naruto made contact with Sasuke's red eyes and he felt himself freeze

"I'll kill all of you!" Sasuke shouted as he ran past Naruto towards Ino and Haruka and unsheathed his katana that he bought from eBay and went for the strike.

Ino felt herself tense and quickly cradled Haruka and turned around keeping her away from the inevitable impact from Sasuke's

Katana. 

She closed her eyes expecting the worst and heard the clash of blades, Ino opened her eyes to see Sai who had parried Sasuke's Katana!

"If you lay one hand on Naruto or my niece... I'll rip your scrotum off" Sai said in his usual monotone voice with his trusty fake smile with his eyes close as a menacing purple aura hovered around him.

Sasuke was taken aback, and stared at Sai then started to manically chuckle.

" I can't believe he made you an uncle... My replacement that's all you ever will be to him" Sasuke said with smirk as Sai lunged at Sasuke in rage and swung his small blade on Sasuke's right.

Sasuke countered the blade with his katana, and quickly jumped up in the air and round house kicked Sai in the face who landed on the coffee table in the living room.

Sasuke ran towards Sai and was getting prepared to stab him and finished him for good, but...

"Sasuke!" Naruto shouted as he finally broke free from his hold and dashed in a mad sprint towards Sasuke channeling his rasengan.

"Nar-uto!" Sasuke yelled as he dropped his katana, and sprinted towards Naruto as he did the handsigns for the chidori

"Why don't you suck each other's dick already?" Bernie Sanders said in wonder as both Naruto and Sasuke instantly stopped what they were doing and stared at Bernie Sanders in shock

"Fuck come on Bernie- you fucking killed the mood" Naruto whined as Sasuke let his face flush scarlet as he canceled his chidori.

"Yeah man- I'm not gay! Fuck faggots, bro I get mad pussy bro!" Sasuke shouted and bumped his chest as Naruto finnaly noticed that once Sasuke removed his robe he had on a baby blue button up colored shirt that was unbuttoned enough to show that he wasn't wearing an undershirt, salmon 6 inch shorts, and top it all off he was wearing chestnut boat shoes without any socks on!

Naruto tilted his head and deduced it must have been a phase.

" Fuck man Magic Ninja battle machine broke" Naruto said as he scratched his cheek trying to use a shitty sense of humor to alleviate the mood

"Understandable have a nice day" Sasuke said as he gave a peace sign and just left through the window he broke leaving all the shattered glass on the floor... What a dick!

Naruto shrugged and began to head to the kitchen to eat some dry cereal like nothing ever happend.

"..."

Ino's eye twitched a few times as if she was trying to process these turn of events. She basically felt that she wasted her time mentally preparing herself for a fight scene. Instead of a grand fight scene she witnessed the birth of autism...

"What the actual fuck" Ino said to herself as Haruka started to cry. A foul odor filled the room.

"Naruto!" Ino called. She walked toward the kitchen and handed Naruto, Haruka to go on and change her diaper.

Naruto simply sighed and begrudgingly trucked himself up the stairs to do the deed.

Ino looked around the living other than the broken window, and the glass shards scattered around. And Sai knocked out on the broken coffee table. The living room was hardly destroyed thankfully Naruto and Sasuke didn't have a real battle or their living room would probably be destroyed.

Ino decided she would ask Naruto to use a clone to clean up the mess. Ino went ahead sat on the ebony leather couch to go watch some tv, and faced a dilemma. She couldn't rest her feet on the coffee table because it was broken and Sai was still currently knocked out on top of the coffee table.

Ino sighed she couldn't even watch tv in her own home anymore. Just as Ino was about to get up to check up on Naruto.

"Who do you know here?" A obnoxious voice called out. When Ino turn around sure enough it was Sasuke this time he had a 24 pack of coorslight resting on his left shoulder.

"What's with the frat daddy look?" Ino asked with a raise eyebrow.

" Silence you! I remember why I came here" Sasuke shouted as Ino winced in pain she wondered if she was on some sort of drug or something because the Sasuke she knew would never act like this... Thinking about it was seeing Bernie Sanders all in her head too? She shook her she needed to focus on getting Sasuke to shut up

"Can you not. You're like literally three feet away from me, you don't need to yell" Ino said as she shook her head.

"Hahaha... I'm going to kill you." Sasuke said with a smirk. His sharingan flashed as he walked closer to her.

"Why?" Ino asked

"Because of you and that wretched child there will be an insane amount of unneeded filler" Sasuke said as he heaved up and down

" Ha... Oh honey have you never seen an episode of Naruto?" Ino said with a laugh as Sasuke looked at her funny.

" Prepare to die." Sasuke said completely ignoring the last thing Ino said.

Ino wondered what she ever saw in him... She had to come up with something quick before Normon Bates over here goes full on America Psycho. That's it's! if she would have to be honest and tell him the whole ordeal of Haruka's origin then maybe he might stop... Hopefully.

"Sasuke wait... Haruka's isn't Naruto's child..." Ino said as took a breath and was about to continue, but

"You whore! How dare you cheat on Naruto with another man!"" Sasuke scream as he ran towards her!

"She's adopted! Naruto and I adopted her!" Ino shouted as she kept a firm eye on Sasuke who at any moment could strike.

"What!? Then why did you two get married?" Sasuke asked with a quizzical look on his face.

" To be honest it was kinda forced... In hindsight I guess I should've fought more" Ino said with a flustered smile... Thinking about it if she didn't go to the daimyo then she probably wouldn't have been in this whole situation to begin with... God she _hated_ Naruto so much.

"This is stupid! You mean to say I blew my cover and plan to kill Danzo and the Hidden Leaf village for nothing only to witness you two idiots play house?" Sasuke said as he dropped his Katana and sat down distraught.

"Yeah... I know It's not really smart... And I don't know if Naruto and I will really be a married couple or anything like that, but one thing is for sure that I know is that both Naruto and I love Haruka." Ino said with a deep breath

"That's nice and all, but someone is going to die by the end of this day" Sasuke said. He crossed his arms sitting crisscross applesauce style.

"Then why don't you kill our enemies... Those who would try to harm Haruka and I simply because we have relation to Naruto"

" What? You can't be serious."

"I am serious! Naruto and I can't do it alone... I'm not like you or Naruto I can't deal with jutsu that could destroy a house in a single blow." Ino said. She bit her lip this hurt her pride, but dammit it was true. Naruto the village's hero, the boy who defeated Pain, And Sasuke Uchilla, the boy the last of his klan. She was just the heiress of the Yamanaka clan.

"Why would you trust me? I've spent the whole time here wanting to kill you and the baby why would you entrust me to become a body guard!?" Sasuke demanded he did have a point though.

"Because Naruto has faith in you! That you would come back and join us again! Naruto genuinely wants you to come back to the village even when everyone labeled you a lost cause. I will have to take his side and believe in his intuition as well since I am technically his wife now." Ino said with a sheepish smile.

"Hahahah... Ahahaha" Sasuke started to laugh uncontrollably. Ino frowned and a tick mark grew over her head she seem quite annoyed.

"What's so funny?!" Ino snapped as Sasuke cracked up even more in response...

"Ha... Were you always an idiot? Are does his idiocy spread once you marry him" Sasuke said with a smirk. Ino felt herself blush and couldn't help but mutter a simple " fuck you" as Sasuke laughed at her expense.

"..."

"So will you accept my offer?" Ino questioned Sasuke as she stuck her hand out and waited for his response. Sasuke merely stared at her hand with a raise eyebrow other than his eyes that had a gleam of curiosity and wonder his face was still unemotional and hard to read.

"... Sure. I'll do it" Sasuke finally said as he took her hand and shook it. He would kill Danzo and destroy the Leaf, but he might as well keep an eye on Naruto for now.

"Alright! Welcome to the family, Sasuke!" Naruto shouted which happened to take Ino and Sasuke by surprise.

Naruto popped his head out from behind the couch from where he been hiding the whole time. Sasuke cursed himself for not noticing sooner; Ino on the other hand was flabbergasted.

Naruto wrapped his arms around Ino and Sasuke and with a foxey grin he said

"This is gonna be the start of something new and beautiful!" Naruto shouted with a smile.

"Let me go you loser!" Sasuke snapped as he looked real annoyed and flustered as he tried to get out his tight hold.

Ino just giggled at the two boy's antics and wondered if this was a newfound chapter of her life about to begin with her new husband, her old psychotic crush turned bodyguard, and of course her beautiful daughter.

As the three teenagers laughed and enjoyed their youth and what new prospects they might encounter together they failed to acknowledge that Sai was still knocked out on the coffee table, but if one were to look closely they would have noticed that a lone stray tear trickled down Sai's cheek as an aura of gloom appeared over his conscious body.

Fin. 

**A/n: Well it's finally here. If you still managed to read this far then I applaud you it really means a lot that you stuck it through this far! Hopefully you found this amusing if you didn't well fuck, man/gal( Or whatever you want to be I don't judge, boo 3) I'm sorry for wasting your precious time and all. Yes Sasuke is a bit of a yandere, Ino better watch her back! Honestly the only interesting thing about this chapter was Bernie Sanders and Kakashi's indirect Kiss! I don't know about y'all? BUT I ship it! I don't think there is any fanart but if there is point me in that direction! Xp**

 **Anyways thank you and sorry to all the reviewers who defended this shit show.**

 **I originally was gonna take this story real serious and dramatic, but that's just not me I'm a wacky, weird, socially awkward person. Random cringey shit is what I do best, hahah. Thank you so much for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing;)**

Sai laid there on the broken coffee table for what seem like an eternity. He was patiently waiting for Naruto or anyone for that matter to acknowledge his presence and help him up and asked him if he was alright. To which, he would in turn respond like how he practiced a million times in the mirror.

"Yeah I am fine, but are you hurt?" As the person would instantly swoon at his polite thoughtfulness. At least that's what he gathered from reading shoujo manga for these last six months.

Sai sighed to himself that's all he ever did these days... With all this free time he was left scouring for anything to keep him entertained. The transition was difficult from being a covet black operative to regular everyday ninja. Sai inferred that when he left and turned his back on Lord Danzo that not only did he find himself with a lot more free time but also his credibility as a ninja suffered a hit for leaking highly classified information. To counter that Sai went on as many missions as he could to take his mind off these sorts of things.

The missions he went on weren't hard at all they were always the usual kill this guy and stab the next. The only issue Sai had with his missions was trying to converse with all the other ninjas he worked with. He tried numerous times to try and make new friends and form relationships with his colleagues, but somehow he always managed to fail.

He hated how Sakura would go on and on about how she went out with the girls when he went on missions with her. It just didn't make sense to him how one would ask another person to meet up on a specific date.

Thinking about it he was envious of Shino, he had one close friend who he could always confide to which was Kiba. They were always out hanging at each's other houses and doing stupid shit together.

Sai didn't understand how he was supposed to be nice and friendly with everyone. He tried but still no one would ever invite him out. No one except Naruto though even he was not always down to hangout with him.

Naruto was Sai's closest if not only friend. Though if Sai was being honest sometimes Sai felt like Naruto could care less about him.

"Replacement" Sasuke's voice echoed in his head.

Sai fake smiled there was no one around him but he still felt the need to hide his true emotions. He wondered if that was all he was to Naruto? Just a replacement that could be easily discarded in the matter of seconds. Was all the times that he spent with Naruto on missions meaningless?

He slammed his fist on the floor. Dammit he had tried time after time to become closer with Naruto.

Whether it be initiating small talk. Hell he even followed Naruto three times out of the week to learn more about him. So that he would coincidentally randomly run into Naruto just to talk to him. His friendship with Naruto meant everything to him. It angered him when Sasuke arrive back into Naruto's life again. He was his friend! And Sasuke had hurt Naruto so obviously he needed to be wary for his friend's sake! But really the real reason why Sai hated Sasuke coming back into Naruto's life was the fear of losing Naruto and being completely alone.

He felt his cheeks trickled down tears slowly he felt the strange urged to wipe them away. It was weird the sensation of crying- Ever since he was a child he had been taught not to show emotion, and yet here he was bawling his eyes out like a child.

The last time Sai could remember crying was witnessing the death of his brother. But that was when he was a child! Now here he was a man. A man who had betrayed the foundation. A man who had watched and let his brother die! Thinking about it maybe it should have been him that died on that day instead of his brother. He wouldn't be crying right now! He wouldn't had betrayed, Lord Danzo! He wouldn't be so pathetic! Dammit he knew he hadn't change since he was a child- that's all he ever did was cry! Dammit why did he always have to feel like this?!

Was betraying, Lord Danzo the right choice? Maybe it be best for Naruto and everyone in the Leaf if he just died? He must have been a burden to everyone. Would anyone really missed him if he just vanished for a while?

Those were the thoughts that flew rapidly in his mind as he laid on the broken coffee table in the pitch dark room with the only sounds to comfort him was the chirping sounds of cicadas in the brisk summer night.

Sai heard footsteps walking down the stairs, but he chose not react as he let his thoughts overtake his reasons. The foot steps got louder until finally he heard, Naruto's voice mutter a curse under his breath. Sai's eyes widen just what was Naruto doing up? Judging by the view from the broken window it was still the middle of the night.

Naruto cursed Sasuke for making him have to go out tomorrow and replace that broken window.

He walked over to go get a better look at the damage and noticed, Sai on the broken Coffee table. Well that explains why he didn't come barging in to his room.

"Sai?" Naruto called out in concern. He knew he and Sasuke got in a bit of a scuffle, but surely a kick in the face wouldn't be the way Sai went out.

Naruto got no response he frowned and quickly walked and crouched over to get a better look at him. Sai had a trail of tears on his cheeks. He had been crying.

"Sai you're crying" Naruto stated as he looked at him in concern. Sai hardly ever showed emotion he was hard to read, but Naruto knew for sure he had been crying.

Sai instantly fake smiled as his response as he instantly wiped his tears and cursed himself for not doing it sooner.

"No I'm not." Sai said as he begged he wouldn't pry.

"Sai what's wrong?"

"Nothing it's just... summer allergies"

"Sai...Please tell me"

"It's nothing!" Sai snapped as he got up, and headed towards the broken window he came through earlier in the afternoon.

But before he could leave, Naruto grabbed him by the shoulder.

"Hold up! You're going to help me out with something!" Naruto said with a grin as he grabbed, Sai by the arm and dragged him towards the kitchen.

"What are you-" Sai protested but, Naruto shush him. And pull out a chair at the table and ushered him to sit down. Once Sai sat down, Naruto proceeded to tie on his pink apron.

"It's the middle of the night what could you possibly be making?" Sai question as he crossed his arms. Naruto took a glance at Sai and noticed he looked annoyed and was impressed to say that this moment might of been the most emotion he's ever seen out of Sai.

"You're helping me make breakfast!" Naruto said like it was the most obvious answer in the world as he tossed a purple apron towards Sai which landed on his head.

Sai wiped his face with the apron, and the begrudgingly tied the purple string around his waist. Wondering how late it was he took a quick glance at the clock on the stainless steal stove and it read: 2:38 Am

"Naruto you do realize it's two in the morning, right?" Sai said softly as he raise an eyebrow wondering what on earth he was planning.

" Yup! We're gonna make some breakfast tacos!" Naruto shouted with glee

Sai knew that a taco was a foreign cuisine, but he had no idea that there was breakfast tacos too.

"Why ever would you make something so early?" Sai questioned surely making breakfast tacos couldn't have taken so long?

" Well I want it to be perfect for Ino and Haruka! And well the tacos we're going to make is called Carne Guisada!" Naruto said with much enthusiasm that even Sai found himself a little pumped up to cook. This was going to be first time he cooked with someone! He usually bought pre made meals from the local market, and only knew how to make steamed rice with a rice cooker. He wondered if he really were going to be of any help to Naruto.

Naruto glanced at Sai and frowned when he saw the look of worried on his face. Whatever Sai was upset about it must have had really bothered him. Naruto vowed to understand what was going on with Sai.

"Well what are we waiting for?" Naruto said with the smile as he pulled out the beef.

Sai nodded towards him and proceeded to grab all the ingredients that Naruto needed. Sai then decided to look at the recipe that Naruto hastily written down on a napkin, and had realized that Naruto had twice the amount of every ingredient in the refrigerator.

"Why do you have twice the amount of ingredients?" Sai said in wonder as he tilted his head.

"Ohh... well remember how I said I wanted this to be perfect for Haruka and Ino? Well I just can't mess up this dish for them. How can I be a great father and a husband if I can't cook a wonderful meal for them?" Naruto said sheepishly as he nodded to himself. Growing up with no parents, Naruto could only dream of having a home cooked meal with a mom and dad. That's why he needed to absolutely make the best meals for Haruka so that she could have that experience at the fullest!

Naruto handed Sai a knife and garlic for him to peel and mince the three cloves while he would cut the beef.

"..." The two enjoyed a silence both struggling to come up with a way to break the ice.

"So Haruka isn't really your child?" Sai said bluntly as he roughly sliced three cloves of garlic. He wasn't completely passed out and he had overheard Ino's exchange with Sasuke earlier that day.

Naruto paused for a split second and continued choping the beef into cubes.

"No she is not" Naruto said calmly as he continued chopping the beef without a word.

"..." The kitchen was silent only the sounds of Sai roughly chopping the garlic on a cutting board could be heard.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sai asked curtly as he continued mincing the garlic. Naruto put the beef in on a large pot that he placed on the stove. Then he set the heat to medium to let the beef simmer.

" You we're with everyone so I couldn't just waltz in and tell everyone I adopted a child, and how I lied to the Fire daimyo, now could I?" Naruto said as he grabbed the cutting board and used the knife he had set aside to transfer the minced garlic to the stew.

"You told him that Ino and you had Haruka and we're married?" Sai said slowly whilst reading the recipe to see what was next.

"Yup... I would've told him the truth, but he acted promptly and had gave us this house and a bunch of money and furniture... It was hard to stop Ino from going on a shopping spree" Naruto said with a laugh at the end recalling her excitement when she saw their bank account numbers.

Sai shook his head not really understanding why, but from what he had heard from intel on the daimyo was that he was an eccentric man who loved to do as he pleased. He could now somewhat understand why Naruto was hesitant on telling the truth to the Konoha eleven, but Naruto and him were friends and friends don't keep secrets from friends.

Sai began to chop the tomatoes...

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? You were in the village for about two weeks"

The sounds of the knife hitting the cutting board grew louder.

"...Ino and I initially decided we were going to die with that lie, and besides suddenly having a two year old toddler in your life doesn't really provide you much leeway."

" You still could've told me I could've helped you" Sai voice had risen which had startle, Naruto.

" Do you have any knowledge with kids?" Naruto asked as Sai frowned in response and shook his head slowly as he quickly grabbed some green bell peppers to cut.

"Neither did Ino and I. That's why for the last two weeks I've been training if you will with Ino to become the best father in the world for her! I use my clones and read various childcare books. I learned how to changed a diaper, and how to burp her. I sat down with Ino to all her doctor appointments, I had to wake up at odd hours of the night hearing her crying from her nightmares. So forgive me Sai if I couldn't run crying for help." Naruto said sternly and inwardly regretted his tone at the end. His goal was to make Sai feel better, but surely he was doing the opposite right now.

Sai clenched his fists and removed the seeds from the bell peppers and proceeded to viciously chop the bell peppers.

Naruto frowned he spent too much time talking to Sai. The beef and tomatoes were burning. He quickly grabbed a knife and proceeded to quickly chop an onion.

Sai then wordlessly got up and put the bell peppers, and garlic he had set aside into the sizzling pan.

After Naruto was done cutting the onion he rush to the stove and inserted the chopped onions into the pot and proceeded to add the required salt and pepper with a dash of cumin. Once he was done adding spices he then started to stir the pot.

Sai just watched without a word as Naruto stirred the pot.

"Tell me, Naruto do you love Ino?" Sai asked out of the blue curiosity getting the best at him.

"No." Naruto said as he continued stirring the pot of vegetables as the aroma filled the air.

Sai didn't seem quite surprised.

" I'm not in love with Ino. I hardly know anything about her. However don't get me wrong I am going to try and love her for Haruka's sake. Each day I am amazed at how wonderful she is with, Haruka. Sai you just gotta see her! When she's with Haruka she can instantly calm her down with a lullaby! It's so amazing I think maybe Haruka loves her more than me!" Naruto said with a chuckle as Sai just nodded his head slowly.

Naruto then decided it was time to put a lid to cover the pan and turn the heat on low.

"Alright! Now we just have to wait three more hours and our test dish will be complete!" Naruto said with a grin as he glance his eyes towards Sai's general direction who nodded his head.

Naruto pulled a chair and sat next to Sai who had a blank expression on his face.

"..."

"So... What's up with you? Did some girl break your heart?" Naruto said with a foxy grin trying the lighten the situation.

"..." 

Sai frowned in response and chose not to reply. Naruto in turn blinked once or twice.

"..."

Naruto bit his lip. The silence was starting to become overbearing.

" So uhh... what kind of music have you been listening to lately?" Naruto asked begging Sai to at least say something or anything for that matter.

" I've been listening to BTS a lot lately" Sai said

Naruto paused and wondered if he heard him correctly.

"That's cool man! So uhhh..." Naruto trailed he really had nothing to add to that

" Yeah Jungkook is my bias" Sai said with a small smile.

"Oh yeah?" Naruto couldn't really understand how anyone could like music they don't understand, but hey to each to their own. If that was what made Sai happy then as a friend Naruto would do his best to understand and support him.

" It's a tossed up between J-Hope and Namjoon for my second favorite member"

" Just how many members are there!?" Naruto shouted as Sai had a twinkle in his eye. He pulled out his phone and opened up Twitter. Sai's profile picture was one of the boys from BTS.

Sai then went off educating Naruto on how the Korean boy band formed and each members names. Then eventually Sai tried to get Naruto to remember the lyrics of their hit song "Fake Love" and many other songs.

" Sai I don't think I can memorize these lyrics" Naruto said as he prayed that Sai would quit this it was starting to become embarrassing.

Sai sighed and paused the music and shook his head in defeat.

"Hey way to ruin the vibe man" a voice called out from the stairs

They looked and saw Sasuke leaning against a railing with a smirk on his face.

"What!" Naruto shouted dumbfounded feeling a sense of dread coming.

"What do you want?" Sai said as he frowned at Sasuke who in turn rolled his eyes in response and made his way down the stairs towards the boys.

" Tell me who is your favorite member of BTS?" Sasuke commanded

Sai's eyes widen and he wondered if this was some type of trap.

"It's Jungkook." Sai said slowly as Sasuke started to laugh maniacally. Naruto was becoming even more uncomfortable.

"Well now you've got me Jungshook cause Kookie is my bias!" Sasuke said with a smile. Sai let out a toothy grin as he started to laugh with glee

" I know right he's the golden Maknae!" Sai shouted as Sasuke nodded in approval.

Naruto sat there on the chair while Sai and Sasuke started to squeal uncharacteristically about the members of BTS.

"What the actual fuck" Naruto mumble to himself as the boys started playing music and attempted dance and rap in Korean only for them to mispronounce and mumble incoherent words.


End file.
